Change of Employment
by Sir Talen
Summary: Every once and a while Batman runs into a *smart* mook.
"Okay, Fred!" the Joker said cheerily.. "Just keep an eye on the Dork Knight there while I check in on Harlie and our guests! I'm sure they're looking forward to the show I'm going to put on for them!"

"Sure thing, Mister Joker sir," the thug replied. He looked over to where the Batman was secured to the chair. "Um, you sure you just want me watching him?"

The Joker's blood red smile widened and he patted the thug on the shoulder. "Freddie, Freddie... He's unconscious, strapped in straightjacket and chained down in the chair. I'm sure even _you_ can handle him by yourself." The Joker's voice dropped down to a low growl. "Because if you _don't_ , I won't be laughing, will I?"

The thug swallowed and raised his tommy gun. "Sure thing, Mr. Joker. I won't let you down!"

"Good lad! See you in a bit!" He strode out of the storage room, whistling cheerily.

The thug looked back as the door shut, then turned back to the Batman. He hadn't moved at all, and even Houdini couldn't have gotten out of all those chains. There was nothing to worry about. The Batman was just one guy after all.

One guy who'd beaten up pretty much every supervillian in Gotham and then some.

And he was alone in the room with him.

Great.

He ducked his head down, rubbing some of the white greasepaint that was dripping off the back of his neck in the summer heat. When he raised it again, the Batman was staring right at him. He froze, as the man said in an even tone. "Fred, eh?"'

"Uh, it's Ted actually," he said. Ted cleared his throat. "Short for 'Theodore', but only my mom ever called me that. I always thought it sounded dorky."

"The Joker isn't very good with names, especially with people he doesn't pay attention to."

"Guess so." The Batman continued to stare at him. As the silence grew, Ted blurted out, "Can ask you a question?"

"Asking questions never hurt anyone."

"Don't you get hot in that suit? I mean it's freaking July and I'm sweatin' my ass off in this makeup and you're wearing black armor."

The Batman shrugged in his bonds. "The interior is lined with the same material they use to make shirts for marathon running. It's good at wicking away sweat."

"Oh, that's pretty nifty."

Pause.

"Look," Ted said, waving his tommy gun around vaguely, "I didn't have anything to do with snatching those kids off that school bus. I thought we were gonna be robbing banks or jewelry stores, y'know. Kidnapping kids is just wrong, man."

"Glad to hear it, Ted," the Batman said, his voice growing conversational. "Makes me wonder how you got into this mess."

"Well, y'know, I didn't think I was gonna be working for the Joker. This blond chick comes up to me on the street and asks me if I want to make a quirk buck, how was I supposed to know she was Harlie Quinn?"

"I see. Want a word of advice, Ted?"

Ted nodded. "Never hurts to listen."

"There's a Greyhound station a half-mile west of here. I know for a fact that a bus will be leaving for Metropolis in twenty minutes. If you hurry, you can be on it."

"You kidding me, man? The Joker would kill me!"

"No, he won't, because in about _five_ minutes the Joker and everyone in his general vicinity are going to be in too much pain to worry about what happened to one random thug."

"Oh." Ted took another step backwards. "But I don't even have enough money for bus fare."

The Batman nodded towards his utility belt, which was hanging from a peg on the wall. "Fifth pouch on the left from the belt buckle, you should find a roll of hundred dollar bills. Take two, leave the rest. Do _not_ try to open any of the other pouches. That should be enough to get you to Metropolis and have a couple of meals. Lexcorp is hiring construction workers for their waterfront renovation project there. You should be able to get a job pretty easily."

"Uh, thanks." Ted out the tommy gun down and gingerly fished out the bills from the utility belt. When he turned around again he nearly jumped out of his overalls. Batman had already freed himself and was standing right behind him.

The Batman smiled. "Smart move, Ted. Now go catch that bus."

Ted ran.


End file.
